SUGAR HIGH
Hi, my name is Alicia and I’m a recovering sugarholic.
For as long as I can remember, I have been obsessed with lollies, chocolate, and anything sugary. I have such a sweet tooth; most of them now wear silver hats to commemorate their commitment to the cause.
My workplace doesn’t help my addiction, with endless amounts of choc-chip cookies on offer, the ones with the abnormally high chocolate-to-cookie ratio. I attempted to go cold turkey once, but quickly crumbled, falling off the cookie wagon in such a dramatic fashion, I was seen stumbling about the office, mumbling, “I’m so sorry, Mum” with telltale crumbs lining my mouth.
I eventually managed to shake the evil hold the cookie had over me when I became vegan, after ten years of vegetarian sobriety. Suddenly there was a reason bigger than myself to abstain. But that doesn’t save me from lollies or chocolate, as the latter also comes in deliciously dairy-free form.
After stacking on 3 kilos and becoming increasingly alarmed at how my taste buds were demanding sugar after every single meal, I decided to challenge myself to a month without the evil white powder. I lasted just over a week.
It was chocolate that did me in.
I stared at the square piece of dark chocolate that was sitting in my hands. It was rectangular really, with little jagged edges where I had hastily torn it off the block. So dark, it was almost black, with a small fleck of gold foil packaging still left on it. One little taste couldn’t hurt, right? The bitterness of the cocoa and sweetness of the sugar caused my taste buds to go into meltdown. I couldn’t stop at one small bit, and before I knew it, the entire block was gone.
A little while later, sitting on the couch and consoling myself by vowing to work twice as hard at the gym tomorrow, my heart started beating faster. And faster. And faster. So fast, I had to lie down. High on that first taste of sugar, I had made an amateur mistake and overdosed.
The next day, all was forgotten. Surely that was just a freak accident, a result of eating too much too quickly. As I walked past the office lolly jar I noticed some yellow sugary goodness staring back at me. Banana lollies, my favourite. If it’s shaped like a fruit, then it must be good for you, right? (It’s amazing what my mind can justify when faced with something sweet.)
A few minutes later, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. My heart beat so fast and so loud, I was sure everyone could hear it. I even went as far as to write a mini will, telling my co-worker Renee that she could have my DVD collection, realising how little possessions I actually own. Breathing slowly and trying to calm down, I thought about what would happen if I couldn’t have sugar. Another thing I can’t eat? My food pyramid had already been decimated by not eating meat, dairy, not liking the taste of much fruit, and not being able to stomach many members of the cereal family. Was this what I would be left with?
As I thought about the good memories me and chocolate have had in the past - the happy times in the Lindt cafe, Max Brenner’s melted hot chocolates, those pain au chocolats in Paris, cheeky sessions on the couch watching DVDs - I realised a life without chocolate is simply something I cannot face.
Now, I’m in sugar rehab. Trying to reintroduce sugar safely, trying to live a normal life in a sugary world, temptation at every turn. I’m taking it one day at a time, one piece of chocolate at a time, and only one. Wish me luck.
